There are 2 types of people in this world. Those who are truly grateful for any glimpse of light in the darkness. And those who forget the wonder of the moment almost before it's over. Unfortunately I definitely fall into the latter category. Once I catch a glimpse of life as it 'ought to be' or 'should have been', the discontent of life 'as it is' rises almost immediately.
Monday was a fabulous day for me. After months of worsening fatigue and pains, suddenly, I was rewarded with one of those 'miracle days'. I woke up fresh in the morning for a doctor's apptment, had to walk quite a lot in the hospital but didn't get knocked out, did two loads of laundry, watched TV, played word games on the computer, tidied the kitchen cabinets, served myself lunch and set up the living room.
It's difficult to not think like this. It's difficult to stop myself from doing all that I can, simply because I can in fact do it (making any sense?). You would think that after so many years of struggling with the issue I would have learnt the importance of resting even when I'm not tired. But whenever I do get a 'normal' day, this is still almost impossible for me.
The excitement of having a good day wouldn't let me sleep all of Monday night. Finally fell asleep at abt 6:30a.m. the next morning and am, surprise, surprise, now back to spending the whole day in bed.
Moral of the story - Take each day as it comes and learn to recognize/appreciate the precious moments in life.
And, as of today, that's precisely what I'm going to do!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Funny gifts for someone with a chronic illness...check it out...made me laugh:
Thursday, November 12, 2009
It's 1:29 a.m. I am siting in bed with a heating pad, under 3 comforters, sipping Theraflu in much the same manner that a connoisseur may enjoy a fine vintage wine. My husband is snoring (rather loudly - I can easily hear him through my industrial strength earplugs!) on my left. On my right is Lola, looking none too pleased that I've disturbed her beauty sleep by switching on my bedside lamp.
The last few months have been exciting but exhausting. My sister-in -law J. has been staying with us for the past 4 months as she prepared to take the American National Board of Dentistry Exams. For the past 3 weeks, my parents have been visiting us from India. We've also moved house, visited Seattle and Mt. Rainier, and done a family trip to Vegas and the Grand Canyon. As I said, exhilerating, but so exhausting.
During this time I've gone through many ups and many downs. Sometimes, the fatigue got too much for me. And I would feel trapped. Frustrated. Imprisoned in my own body. My soul yearned to soar, but instead I would wave goodbye from the hotel room as everyone else went for a hike or to the casinos. And I would wonder what I had done to deserve this.
But each time this happens, I now take myself back to my trip to the Mt Rainier National Park. When we went to visit Seattle, Mt Rainier wasn't even on our 'places to visit' list. My husband almost had to drag me there. And now, I thank him for it everyday. Memories of Rainier have become my own personal place of peace.
I don't think I can ever explain the overwhelming sense of peace and 'rightness' that I felt sitting in those mountains surrounded by trees and brooks, no soul or sign of civilization in sight. Just a magnificent snow covered active volcano forming a glorious backdrop to an endless panorama of hills covered with green trees. In that moment, all my concerns and worries and stresses just disappeared. All that mattered was the nature around me and the contentment within me.
Rainier changed me in a fundamental way. Now, when things threaten to overwhelm me, I just transport myself back to those hills, overlooking a vista of pine trees and lakes, and nothing seems important any more in face of such majestic natural beauty.
I hope those of you that follow this blog have already found such a place (I would love to hear abt these), and I strongly urge the rest of you to find your Rainier. It will give you more joy than you can imagine!