Do dogs lie?

Fist of all, thanks for your good wishes everyone...I'm feeling MUCH better today! Yaaaaaaaay!!!

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The other day, I had a very interesting experience with Lola. It was a really warm afernoon and I decided to take

Lola to the front of our building to hose her down. Lola looked at me put on the yellow shorts (the ones reserved for bathing the doggie), take her towel and shampoo, and wear my rubber slippers. She knew what was coming and she was not a happy dog.

Anyway, off we went with Lola on the leash. At once, she started to sniff frantically in the grass and walk in the opposite direction. It seemed like she had some urgent business to attend to, so I followed her. In a little while, I noticed her looking at me from the corner of

her eye. When she realised I was looking at her, she quickly bent her head down and pretended to sniff deeply while leading me further away from the hose. This happened a couple of times before I caught on - my darling dog was trying to fool me!

She had realised that fighting or begging wouldn't stop the bath, so she was now trying her hand (paw?) at deception!

Here's an interesting article which says that dogs are as intelligent as 2 yr old children: http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20090810/hl_hsn/dogsand2yearoldsonsamementalplane

Do let us know if you've had any such experiences!

Introspection

OK, it's a new day, new beginning. And I'm over my little sojourn into self pity. So let the good times roll...

But, wait, before we bring out the champagne, I rly want to understand what it is that worries me so when my fatigue gets bad.

After much self-scrutiny and introspection, I have come up with 2 things:

1. Life is passing me by / I am not doing anything worthwhile.

2. Because I am not doing anything, my mind is slowly dying and I'm going to become this vapid creature without a single intelligent thought in her head. I hesitate to use the term 'dumb blonde', especially since I'm not blonde, but you know what I mean...

So, let's address these issues.

Starting with the first, I am going to list all my accomplishments over the past 7 years (big and small) so I can see all that I have achieved since I got CFS:

1. I got married to the most wonderful, caring man.
2. I adopted a rescued dog and am giving her the best life I can.
3. I finished my Masters thesis and got my degree in Communication Management from the Annenberg School for Communication, USC.
4. I have been a Teaching Assistant.
5. I have made a lot of new friends.
6. I have been there for friends who were going through some rough times in life.
7. I have learned yoga.
8. I have taken a teacher training course and am now a certified yoga teacher (I don't teach professionally, but still...)
9. I have decided to start an online business in silverware, and have learned from scratch, everything about buying and selling silver.
10. I have opened an eBay store selling silver items an antique jewelry: Nazraana (meaning 'gift').
11. When I felt I was getting well enough to take up a job, I taught myself Search Engine Marketing (SEM) / Pay-Per-Click (PPC). Unfortunately my health deteriorated again & I wasn't able to work. But I did learn a lot!
12. I am learning how to cope with CFS and am much better now than I was when I first fell ill and was bedridden for months.

Now for point no.2. - the fear that my brain is dying a slow death. Well, here goes:

1. I play games like Scrabble and Sudoku daily to exercise my mind.
2. I read a lot about various topics.
3. I try to write my blog daily.
4. I ask everyone I meet a lot of questions about their work and love to learn things.
5. I manage / do all the calculations etc for my ebay store.

So, I don't think my brain is in immediate danger of complete annihilation.

As I finish this post I realize, and this is my Hallelujah moment, that life doesn't stop. Nor is it completely passing me by.

Maybe I would have accomplished more had I not had CFS. But who is to say that those accomplishments would be worth more than what I have achieved with CFS in the past 7 yrs. Who knows whether I would have made the same friends, or had the same relationships? Or even whether I would be the same person.

Hmmm....something to thnk about...

And, on that note, I am off to sharpen my brain and play some Scrabble on Facebook :)

Lola is SAD

Lola has been depressed.

She hasn't had her usual doggie smile, she's been responding rather half-heartedly to our efforts to play with her, she hasn't even been interested in her tug-of-war rope!

We've been terribly worried. Going over our actions over the past few days. Wondering if we could have inadvertently offended her in some way. But...nothing! We just couldn't figure it out.

But today, like sunshine after a gloomy spell, we saw the goofy grin on Lola's face again. After much celebratory back-slapping, we realized...it wasn't just Lola's brilliant smile. There was, in fact, sunshine outside after few rather dull days. And there was Lola, lying blissfully in the warm sun.

And it finally struck us:

Lola had been SAD.

No, not sad, but SAD. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), also known as the Winter Blues, is a type of depression that is probably caused by our body's reaction to lack of sunlight.

This got me thinking about CFS and it's relationship with sunshine. Many studies suggest that natural vitamin D (through sunshine) could improve some CFS symptoms. Spending some time in natural air and sunlight is especially thought to improve the mood (hence Lola's smile).

I don't mean to suggest that we should ignore all warnings about melanoma cancers etc being caused by excessive exposure to sunlight, but I do feel that even sitting indoors and looking out at a beautiful sunny day does a lot to raise my spirits.

So maybe we should all take a page from Lola's book and just enjoy nature the way it was meant to be enjoyed.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness?

I am the sort of person who is pretty obsessive-compulsive about cleaning. Which is why it drives me craaaaaaaaazy when my house looks like this:

There's laundry baskets to be sorted, clothes to be folded, wires to be untangled, beds to be made, doggie hair to be brushed away, and carpets to be vacuumed.

My husband is at work & my CFS is too bad today for me to even get off the couch.

To make matters worse, I'm getting really really stressed coz the cleaning lady is coming tmrw, and I have to tidy the house before her visit.

Yes, I do know how that sounds. All I can say is - that's the kinda person I am, and you're just gonna havta get used to it!

In fact, the only reason I am willing to share the messy home photo with you is that I don't know you, so I won't know if and when you judge me.

But I do meet the cleaning lady every week, so I can't possibly let her see the mess. Whatever will she think, after all?! Ergo, I have to clean the house before tmrw.

I do realize I have probably lost you by now, but if you think long and hard abt it, you will realize that there is some sort of convoluted logic somewhere in there.

Anyway, to keep me from going completely bonkers, my hubby & I have come up with a system. The days I am not well, he helps by cleaning at least one room so that I have my little haven where I can sit all day and pretend that all's right with the world.

So, here I am, sitting in a near spotless living room, looking out at the most gorgeous view through the picture window, writing my blog.

I'm thinking - would I really be willing to trade the muddy pawprints, the strewn doggie toys and half eaten bones for a spotless home, but a home with no Lola?

And I'm thinking, maybe some mess isn't entirely a bad thing. After all, to paraphrase Laurence J. Peter, "If a cluttered home is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean home?"

UPDATE - the cleaning lady just cancelled for tmrw. Yaaaay! a reprieve!

I choose Hope!

"Once you choose hope, anything's possible" - Christopher Reeves

I have decided to choose hope!

I know it's a bit late to make a New Year's resolution, but better late, than never, right?

It's easy to get into a downward spiral when you're sick. Especially when it's a chronic illness. In the case of CFS, you don't know why you're ill, you don't know if you'll ever get better, you don't know what's happening inside your body or how you'll feel tomorrow. In fact, the only thing that we can safely say we know abt CFS is that we don't know much!

In such circumstances, no one can really blame you if you feel sorry for yourself, or complain about your lot in life. Sure, no one can blame you, but is that rly who you want to become - "the girl/woman/guy who's sick, and makes sure everyone knows it"?

It's not who I want to be. I want to enjoy what I still can, instead of thinking about all that I can't do. I want to be thankful for everything I have (an adoring husband, a loving family, supportive friends and, of course, my doggie Lola), not cry about what I have lost.

I have always lived my life to the fullest. I have always been (in my opinion at least) fun, funny and fabulous. And fatigue is not going to take that away from me!

So, everybody, together now, lets say it. Loud n clear: "We may be fatigued, but we'll be fabulous forever!"

Lola

I hear a heartfelt sigh, which I choose to ignore. A wet tongue tries to work it's way inside my socks. When that doesn't work, there's a gentle nudge, followed by some not so gentle ones. And finally my laptop is pushed away by a determined nose, and replaced by a rather accusing doggie face.

Lola wants to play! And, like it or not, Lola's gonna play - with me!

But Lola knows that "Mommy's not feeling well today". So, though we do play a little tug-of-war, she lets me win. After which she brings a brightly colored stuffed toy and tries to snuggle up in my lap.

How would I ever cope with the CFS without my little Lab-Pit mix?

Oh, don't get me wrong, life with Lola hasn't always been a cakewalk. Far from it! We've had more than our fair share of problems. When we adopted a sweet looking Lab-mix from the shelter, we had no idea about the the determined, independent Pit-Bull genes concealed behind that innocent face.

There followed tears and accusations, tantrums and multiple ultimatums to Lola that she's going back to the shelter. But, somehow, we got past the rebellious teenager stage and emerged on the other side with a (near) perfect dog.

Life with CFS can be pretty lonely. I don't have the energy to take up a 'proper' job; friends/family work during the day; going out alone is difficult - I never know when I'll be stuck without the energy to walk or drive back; even grocery shopping can be a stretch and doing house work can be close to impossible.

But I have Lola. And she helps me smile, even on the worst days. :)

Uh oh, gotta go now! Here comes the pushy wet nose. Lola wants her dinner. And we all know, what Lola want, Lola gets!