Friday, February 6, 2009


OK, it's a new day, new beginning. And I'm over my little sojourn into self pity. So let the good times roll...

But, wait, before we bring out the champagne, I rly want to understand what it is that worries me so when my fatigue gets bad.

After much self-scrutiny and introspection, I have come up with 2 things:

1. Life is passing me by / I am not doing anything worthwhile.

2. Because I am not doing anything, my mind is slowly dying and I'm going to become this vapid creature without a single intelligent thought in her head. I hesitate to use the term 'dumb blonde', especially since I'm not blonde, but you know what I mean...

So, let's address these issues.

Starting with the first, I am going to list all my accomplishments over the past 7 years (big and small) so I can see all that I have achieved since I got CFS:

1. I got married to the most wonderful, caring man.
2. I adopted a rescued dog and am giving her the best life I can.
3. I finished my Masters thesis and got my degree in Communication Management from the Annenberg School for Communication, USC.
4. I have been a Teaching Assistant.
5. I have made a lot of new friends.
6. I have been there for friends who were going through some rough times in life.
7. I have learned yoga.
8. I have taken a teacher training course and am now a certified yoga teacher (I don't teach professionally, but still...)
9. I have decided to start an online business in silverware, and have learned from scratch, everything about buying and selling silver.
10. I have opened an eBay store selling silver items an antique jewelry: Nazraana (meaning 'gift').
11. When I felt I was getting well enough to take up a job, I taught myself Search Engine Marketing (SEM) / Pay-Per-Click (PPC). Unfortunately my health deteriorated again & I wasn't able to work. But I did learn a lot!
12. I am learning how to cope with CFS and am much better now than I was when I first fell ill and was bedridden for months.

Now for point no.2. - the fear that my brain is dying a slow death. Well, here goes:

1. I play games like Scrabble and Sudoku daily to exercise my mind.
2. I read a lot about various topics.
3. I try to write my blog daily.
4. I ask everyone I meet a lot of questions about their work and love to learn things.
5. I manage / do all the calculations etc for my ebay store.

So, I don't think my brain is in immediate danger of complete annihilation.

As I finish this post I realize, and this is my Hallelujah moment, that life doesn't stop. Nor is it completely passing me by.

Maybe I would have accomplished more had I not had CFS. But who is to say that those accomplishments would be worth more than what I have achieved with CFS in the past 7 yrs. Who knows whether I would have made the same friends, or had the same relationships? Or even whether I would be the same person.

Hmmm....something to thnk about...

And, on that note, I am off to sharpen my brain and play some Scrabble on Facebook :)


  1. Hi! You've got lots to crow about!

    Your dog is pretty, and pretty lucky to have you!

    I hope you count me as one of your friends!

  2. My human woman read your accomplishments and now wishes she had a debilitating disease to explain why she's such a lazybutt and hasn't accomplished nearly half the things that "disabled" people have.

    You asked on my blog who the Mutatoe was. Simplest way to find out (but of course you risk losing more of your mind) is too do a search on Mutatoe and read all about his exploits. Here is why he's called Mutatoe:

  3. Hey you have done a hell of a lot! I've had CFS for 8 years and could never have done half the things which you have, so well done! I've really enjoyed having so much time to myself (which is a precious commodity these days) and being able to do all those little things that most people would love to do but don't have the time. Also I'm biding my time for when I'm 100% recovered and start a whole new, dynamic life!

  4. Wow, that's an amazing list! You've accomplished a lot in 7 years, even for a healthy person. You should feel proud of your accomplishments and of your positive attitude. I think I'll learn a lesson from you and make my own list next time I'm down and feeling unproductive (which happens a lot!). I think also that the type of things we undertake with CFS are a lot different than the types of things we'd be doing if we were still healthy - at least that's true for me. I'd be a lot busier if I were well, but I'm not sure I'd be doing things that were more important.

    Great blog entry - very thought-provoking!


  5. I definitely feel that way: as if I've accomplished nothing/am accomplishing nothing. Writing it out is a great idea - confronting the fact that I've done things that might seem small compared to peers but are ginormous for me, that's taking some work, but I'll get there. Great post.

  6. Thanks for all your comments...I'm so glad you all liked the post :)

    I know how easy it is to get down on ourselves - I find that having a list rly helped me!

    I try this at the end of the day sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly low. I list everything I did that day from taking a shower to getting dressed to taking Lola out. Writing it down makes me realize how many things I've actually managed to do. And everything requires some energy. It may not be a lot for a healthy person, but it's still something to be proud of for me.

  7. Wow, what a great list! If I'd achieved any of that I'd be very proud of myself, illness or no illness. Running your own business sounds challenging and interesting and who's to say that if you had gotten ill you might never have gone down that road?!?
    I have to confess to having a look at lots of your wedding pics, they are beautiful! I love all of the colours and the jewellery, everything is so bright and ornate, I love it!

    Keep making your lists to remember what you have been doing, I have to do the same to make sure I remember all the things I have done. It's so easy to forget them once they are over and done with!

  8. Thanks Whoopsadaisy :)

    Indian weddings are so different from Weddings in the West. In India it's all about bright colors and over the top jewelry. While over here weddings are elegant in white. They're both so beautiful in their own ways.

  9. hey saw your lovely wedding pictures as a result of your post today! you also look after your gorgeous hair!! i still have long hair (from all those years ago) and know what a pain it is to keep things looking respectable.