Today I feel frustrated!
When I started this blog, I promised myself that it was going to be a fun, upbeat blog. But today I just have to rant. So if you are of delicate constitution, you've been given fair warning. You may want to stop reading now.
More than anything in the world, I want to run today. I want that happy exhaustion. Not this overwhelming, never-ending achy fatigue. I want to stretch my muscles and get my heartbeat going. I want to jump and dance and skip for no reason at all. I'm tired of always having to calculate the amount of energy I would waste standing up, or walking across the room, or talking on the phone.
I want to go swimming and horse riding and hiking and dancing.
I just want to be me.
I feel like I've been stuck in an old person's body for the past 7 years. Where did my 20s go? The time I was meant to be full of energy. Instead, a couple of days ago, a lady who was at least in her 60s asked me if I needed help because I wasn't able to walk to my car.
I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I make sure I keep reminding myself about this. Most days, I believe that I have accepted the CFS, learnt to live with it. But suddenly one day the frustration gets the better of me.
And I just wonder - Why me?