I did a load of laundry today! All the way from putting the clothes in the washing machine to folding them neatly after they were dry.
It's ridiculous how much joy it gives me to be able to say this.
The past few months have been a haze of fatigue and pain. I have been doing things - my parents have com to visit, I took a trip to Florida - but there was always the constant underlying pain and discomfort, just beneath the surface, just beyond my reach. I haven't driven a car for over 6 months or been able to do groceries for something like a year.
But today, my mind is clear and body is (almost) pain-free. I feel like a captive animal that has been released back into the forests.
And I'm going to celebrate!
I can't believe how many things there are that I can do. I can go to the mall, I can go buy food for Lola, I can see a movie without getting exhausted, I can visit a friend, go for a walk....I can't choose!
But I think the thing that gives me most joy is that I can be self reliant. If I'm thirsty, I can go to the kitchen myself to get a glass of water. If I'm cold I can get myself a blanket. For the past few months, my husband has been giving me breakfast in bed. After that he makes my lunch and keeps it in the microwave, walks & feeds Lola, and then goes to work. If I am able to stand up by afternoon, I heat my lunch, eat and go back to sleep. If I can't, my husband comes home from work to feed me and take Lola out. He then goes back to work. In the evening I usually wake up just before he comes home. He fixes me a snack, feeds Lola takes her for a walk, makes dinner, finishes office work and finally collapses a night.
I know that all this is not my fault, but I still feel terrible. Just the fact that I was able to take on a bit of the load by doing the laundry gave me an incredible amount of happiness.
I'm off now to make myself a cup of coffee, and after that...I'm going to live life.