Today is the strangest day ever!
It's hubby's (K) b'day today.
No, that's not what's strange....be patient folks...
Anyway, as I said, it is K's b'day. So, of course, I was planning the usual cake, champagne etc. But yesterday K asked me a strange question. "Do you want to give me a birthday present that would rly mean the most to me?"
Of course, I said.
"Then, just for one day, see yourself with my eyes. Love yourself the way I love you. Treat yourself the way you know I would like you to. If you want to do something, think about whether you're rly doing it for me or for yourself. Pls don't clean the house. Think of how that would drain your energy, so you won't even be able to talk to me in the evening. You don't need to dress up and get tired. I'd rather see you laughing in pajamas. My ideal birthday present would be to see you lively and energetic, even if the house is dirty and there's no cake and you couldn't plan a party. " (or something like that).
Heavy, eh? Yeah, I mean who would be ok with no cake on their b'day??!!!
Ok srsly, I decided that if that's what he wanted, then that's what he'd get. After all he was the b'day boy (errr....man?)
And today has been the wierdest most wonderful day ever! I feel like I'm on vacation. I want to wash my hair so it looks nice for tonight, but I know it'll tire me. Normally I would have managed to convince myself that washing my hair wasn't optional, it was obligatory. And that somehow, I could summon up enough energy to do it.
But looking at it with K's eyes? Now that was a whole different ball game. He would say - Conserve your energy. Save it for when we're together. I don't care if your hair isn't washed, you're always beautiful to me (ok, so I put in the last part myself, but I know he would have said it!)
And so the decision has been made!
No hair washing today!
(for those of you who are wondering what the big deal abt washing hair, see photo!)
I used this technique on everything today. And it was fantastic. So I began to wonder why it made the difference it did, and I came up with the following:
1. I usually decide that everyone's wants/desires are the same as mine. I often try to tidy the house before K returns from office. But I realized that I do that because I would like to come back to a clean home. If he had to choose, he would choose an energetic wife over a clean house any day! So I'm rly doing sit for myself - I can't pretend it's for him.
2. I am not realistic about my energy levels. I can easily convince myself that I can do anything with "just a bit more effort", until I reach the point where I'm bedridden. Looking at it through K's eyes, made me think - If he were here would he like me to use my limited energy on this task? And, I realize that it's ok to stop because I'm tired. It's ok to listen to my body.
3. Obviously that demands the question - why can I stop when K thinks I should, but not do it for myself? Guilt. Yup, that's it the culprit - guilt! To myself, I'm 'lazy' if I don't do something that needs to be done. To K, I'm genuinely tired - something that I'm not willing to accept.
It's odd that I've had CFS/fibro for almost 8 years, but I still haven't learned energy management. (Hriday, I know that this is just asking for it, so go ahead...). But better late than never I always say!
Stay tuned for whether I am able to incorporate these changes into my daily habits....
+copy.jpg)
Great article...Most psychiatric therapy today is based around Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which is pretty much training the mind to replace the negative thoughts with positive thoughts, thereby cultivating a happy state of mind. 
I also wanted to say that though my friends may not have been aware of what was happening with me, it soon became very clear to me who my real friends were. There were some who didn’t have any trouble forgetting about the years of interaction they had had with me. But there were others who may not have understood what was happening with me, but were willing to give me the benefit of the doubt and their support. And that was all I really needed. Thank you.
Hubby K has always been an entrepreneur at heart. Since I've known him, all he's wanted is to start his own company. All these years he's had to keep this ambition on a back-burner as he was too busy taking care of me. But, we've decided that the time has finally come. He's quitting his job, we've moved to San Francisco proper and we're starting our own start-up. This is it, folks!
Paul Graham of YCombinator, one of the biggest angel investors of start-ups, explains how they choose who to fund. They fund hackers. Here are their criteria: determination, flexibility, imagination, naughtiness and friendship.
This weekend was a bit of a bummer.
The doctors at Stanford Hospital, nice as they were, were pretty clueless. They started me on Lyrica as it's the only other drug approved for Fibromyalgia. It wasn't particularly effective, so they kept upping the dosage till we reached 400mg/day (100mg more than FDA approved 'safe' dosage). Eventually, they added 60 mg of cymbalta and sent me home with more drugs and little relief.
Around mid-2010 I finally decided to try something different. 
At the same time, K had read an article about how a chiropractor had cured someone of severe chronic pain. We decided to give chiropractic a try. Dr. Matt Coleman was like an angel from the heavens above :) Within a month my pain was down from the acute sharp shooting pain to a much lower-grade dull ache. I was able to cut vicodin to a large degree but not completely. More importantly, he taught me the importance of nutrition. We all try to eat right - at least we like to think we do - but it's shocking how little we actually know about what goes into our mouths. Best advice I can give you - read Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon. I can honestly say this book changed my life. I gave up sugar, tea, coffee, started checking the ingredients of everything that went into my tummy, eating only organic etc etc. He helped my figure out that I was severely allergic to corn and tomatoes.
I'm not trying to suggest that I was miraculously cured, but it was definitely a start. By September I was feeling strong enough to travel and decided to go to India to try acupuncture again. Unfortunately acupuncture wasn't able to help - despite daily sessions for about 3 months. But then I tried something new - the Kottakal Arya Vaidya Sala - an ayurvedic hospital in India. It was two weeks of in-patient treatment and daily massages with medicated oils. I came back feeling and looking like a different person. 
I'm now back in San Francisco along with my ayurvedic meds from the Vaidya Sala, and am on the roller coaster of getting off my allopathic meds again. I'm doing pretty well - Cymbalta is down from 60mg to 10mg, Lyrica from 400mg to 150mg and Wellbutrin from 300mg to 75mg. But the withdrawal is pretty tough. I'm hoping to be totally allopathic medicine free by August 2011. 
2. I will be late. I usually need to start getting ready at least 4 hrs before I go out. I need to rest after taking a shower, again after combing my hair, putting on make-up, or getting dressed. I hate being late, but it's often impossible for me to correctly gauge how much time / rest I'll need.
6. You may not hear from me. Sometimes weeks, even months, go by and I don't call/email friends. I do think of you, it's just that talking on the phone or even spending time on the computer can be exhausting. Pls do call / mail me sometimes, even if it feels like you're always taking the initiative. It rly means a lot to me.
I did a load of laundry today! All the way from putting the clothes in the washing machine to folding them neatly after they were dry.
But today, my mind is clear and body is (almost) pain-free. I feel like a captive animal that has been released back into the forests.
I know that all this is not my fault, but I still feel terrible. Just the fact that I was able to take on a bit of the load by doing the laundry gave me an incredible amount of happiness.
There are 2 types of people in this world. Those who are truly grateful for any glimpse of light in the darkness. And those who forget the wonder of the moment almost before it's over. Unfortunately I definitely fall into the latter category. Once I catch a glimpse of life as it 'ought to be' or 'should have been', the discontent of life 'as it is' rises almost immediately.
